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Blahg

I see none of us have been in the mood to write.  Oh please wake me up from this slumber -- I'm pretending I have a life!

Blahg

I found out I need new glasses.  Actually I've needed them for some time just couldn't afford them.  My frames broke, when that happens or I lose them that's when I'm forced to replace them.  I was right that my rprescription changed.  When I was sitting in the chair in the eye doctor's office and said WOWEE I CAN SEE was an indicator.  So now I'm $400 bucks poorer and am relying on ther over the counter magnifying shits.  (I've been wearing progressives for so many years now I'm going nuts with these things.)  On the other side of the coin my husband ran out of Viagra.  He got a new prescription.  $480 bucks for 30 pills.  Hmm which is more important seeing or fucking?  Fortunately he has a small gig tomorrow which will eventually pay for the boner pills.  I'm still so behind in my other bills it isn't funny (including my rent).  But go to without sight and sex ... shoot me now.

P.S.  For all my devoted readers who are waiting for the first installation of Magnum Dopus.  The Dopus' have been running me ragged and I've been too tired to write.  Not to worry they are going to get theirs soon enough.

Blahg

Coming soon

The daily .adventures of a lion tamer, shrink and babysitter -- translation the life of a Legal Secretary.

Blahg

The blimp is flying over my apartment building.  It's a "Direct TV" blimp.  I remember growing up when they were all Goodyear.  And my schoolmates were talking about riding in one.  One kid, who I'm convinced now, is a high class madam or a school teacher always said her dad was going to take her for a ride in the Goodyear blimp. 

Anyway this blimp is sharing breathing space because of the U.S. Open.  Tennis is something I don't understand.  I don't know how to play it and maybe if I did I'd find watching it more interesting.  But for now the idea of watching two people hit a ball back and forth and see people's eyes going back and forth like a cat's does not amuse me, neither the $7.00 pretzel and gourmet fried ape eyeballs they are selling at the stadium.  I hope they do show fireworks when it's all over.  One of the best things, okay the best thing, about this apartment is the terrace and the view.  Note:  Now that my neighbor had to tear down the enclosure (screened in terraces are illegal and finally the management is enforcing it) I can freely smell his ganga (gee dude you could at least smoke good shit if you're going to give me a contact high) and I have to lock all my windows now that I know he can climb over my terrace divider into his apartment.  Actually it's his girlfriends' mothers aunts grandmothers cousins apartment.  The kind where they are paying $300 a month because they've kept it in the family.  She's now pregnant with her third child by him and still on welfare and for the life of me I can't understand how someone can be so stupid.  The boyfriend and I were talking about baby names in the elevator and he made a comment about how if he has more kids he'll name them so and so and I said "maybe you want to slow down?"  Three kids all under the age of three.  I have to say that for two fucked up dysfunctional people they have the most adorable, well behaved children.  There is something about the little girl who is always smiling that makes me pick her up and kiss her every time I see her.  And believe me her mother in all these years hasn't been friendly to me but lights up when I pay attention to her sunny child which is easy.  Looking at all the kids in the hallway some as big as I am and remembering when they were in diapers.  Which is one of the reasons I chose to move here as I was pregnant with my kid and thinking well when he runs up and down the hall screaming no one will mind and that's proven true as my son plays with all those kids in the hallway till I have to open the front door and say PLEASE BE QUIET!!!

Slept all day today.  It was wonderful.  I have been working really hard. I have to say that someone said to me the other day when I made a comment about "productivity" is that he hasn't heard any complaints.  Which is the second co-worker who has said that to me.  If nothing else I want to keep up the reputation for not being a slacker.  Friday was so much fun in that all four of us were in there and I brought my son and he helped staple papers and the like and I lounged on the couch in the reception area being silly.  My coworkers for the most part are pretty cool.  I have found out that part of the reason that I have been welcomed so freely is that my predecessor (the wonderful living legend who retired after 25 years) wasn't well liked.  Actually they hated her saying she was nasty and lazy.  None of my work is ever dumped on my co-workers for sure.  Gack I spent $50 bucks on food yesterday.  Between buying my big kid growing boy "tween" a huge breakfast, huge lunch (actually the lunch fed him and my husband that night as well) and snack -- any snack in Midtown Manhattan will very rarely cost you less tha $15.00.  And then I had to get him his school supplies.  Mind you the list has been up all summer (no one told me naturally) and I had to buy notebooks and binders.  And screw the teachers who asked for one inch, 1 1/2 inch and 2 1/2 inch binders the kid has all 1 inch binders which were on special for 25 cents a piece.  Like I'll pay $5 and up for a binder.  Yeah right.  So that's another $40 bucks spent and we don't even have half the stuff he needs.  Of course this is the week that his health insurance premium was due (now that I'm a working still the State won't pay for it anymore.  Mind you I don't mind that I have to pay but for fucking once I'd like for them not to screw it up and give me a fucking person who speaks English. NO I DO NOT WANT TO PRESS ONE FOR ENGLISH THIS IS FUCKING AMERCA AND ENGLISH SHOULD BE THE FIRST LANGUAGE...and the rent and a host of other things which are draining my bank account (not much to account) faster than a mosquito at a blood bank.

Today I watched a documentary called "Autism, the Musical". It was one of the most amazing things I've ever seen.  Reaffirmed that all human beings aren't basically selfish. 

Damn crickets are so loud.  Hope the damn lizard eats them soon. 

Blahg

Today I'm 52 years old although my son says I won't be 52 until 7:33 in the evening.  And if my mother were speaking to me she'd remind me for the 1,957 th time how long she was in labor with me.  This year I've been ignored by almost everyone except one of my few real friends on earth.  Funny because we've never met, hardly ever talk, but there is something about her that makes he cherish her and love her and I've actually told her she could sleep on my lumpy couch if she wants to visit and I've never extended that invitation to anyone.  I have to hand it to my husband's ex wife in that regard because she actually allowed my husband's parents to stay with them in their tiny apartment for weeks.  I never met either one of them -- my mother in law and I were close in that we wrote and talked on the phone.  Two weeks before I was supposed to meet her she died.  And truth to tell I actually told her once when she was alive that she could stay here which probably would have made me hate her forever.  So I'm honest folks, I live in a small space which is crowded enough by my husband's and son's crap.  I don't count my own because I pay the rent.  What I'd love is to get rid of 98% percent of the crap (I threaten to hire someone with a truck and dump my husband's stuff when he isn't around) in this place, paint it and get some decent furniture.  Right now I have to concentrate on paying the rent hike that goes into effect now and my electric bill which has reached the triple digits since I've had to run the a/c ever since the mercury rose.  And tomorrow I will go back to work and have the day from hell because I have to tackle my bosses' billing full time for the first time.  (True my co-worker will give me pointers but it will be in my hands.  The person who should be doing it sits on his lazy ass in the mailroom all day reading the newspaper and pretending to work while his co-worker who is 10x nicer than is he will do all his work.  There's always at least one in every office. On the working front I have the reputation of being a hard worker not only from my bosses but from the watercooler crowd if there was one.  Translation:  the receptionst said she's never heard anything negative about me that people KNOW WHEN I'M IN MY OFFICE I'M DOING MY WORK as did my boss when he came in the other day to tell me (as I turned redder than the cherries I've been stuffing my face with all summer) that I didn't have to put the picture of my kid back on teh screen when he walks in and I'm checking my e-mail because he and my other boss are very HAPPY AND KNOW THAT I'M GETTING ALL MY WORK DONE.  As I've said before with all my other shortcomings (my mother calls them insanties -- yeah mom I wonder what part of the gene pool gave me that -- oh yeah both of you) when it comes to work I have a VERY STRONG work ethic.  And I'm always on time which is amazing since I have to be in there at 8:30 every morning and I never even used to get up that early to go to the bathroom.  So now sitting with the a/c blasting on me, watching a Lifetime Movie (comon folks we all like them).  I need to go out and play my numbers because as usually on a Sunday a double digit (not the one I picked thank goodness) came out.  Do I take myself to celebrate since my husband is trying to earn some money today which will not doubt be spent on something useful like groceries.  My son went to the park with him so I could have the day to myself (translation:  my son knew I wasn't going to do anything exciting today) so he went to the park with his father.)  Should I got out and eat.  I'm not hungry and don't even feel like anything exotic.  (Take my temperature folks!)  I will be receiving my present two weeks or so from now an autographed cookbook from Gordon Ramsay himself.  I special ordered it on his website and one of his employees is actually going to relay the message to him that I think he's a wonderful chef, husand and father (and not hard on the eyes which I know his lovely wife whom I also adore hears that all the time) and my son keeps on saying what will if you do if Gordon Ramsay calls you"  Faint.  I who grew up among "celebrity" and never get flustered -- or impressed -- by anyone -- I swoon like a wilted honeysuckle when I see that tall, hunk of sexy passion with his uk accent -- so I'm not sure I'd be able to say a thing but stare -- if he was on the phone clear my throat a lot and/or giggle...yeesh.  I want to go out and try to find a winning number and find some cherries but don't want to go out in the heat. 

Blahg

Omg Im so tired.  Since I went back to work I've been sleeping at least my Saturdays away.  This morniing I initially got up at 6:30 and then again at 7:10 and every hour on the hour telling myself I could go back to sleep.  Right now It's about 96 degrees outside (Yes, Co-Ed I realize you own my last paycheck) so why should I want to do anything but sit under the a/c.  I want to sneak off to the supermarket to do a big shopping but do not want to have to face my son's hissy fit when he gets home only to find I went without him.  Okay folks you asked:  He has to push the shopping cart (his own mind you that's he's personally selected), then he'll go look for "Bluey" his favorite shopping cart whose job is usually storage or helping Mr. Moto* load the cherries or cut up melon or whatever is going to pass as produce in that store. 

 I wonder if the owners of both (yes both) supermarkets (within walking distance for those of us who don't, can't afford, or refuse to have cars) realize that right inbetween them both just opened up a "kick ass" produce store.  My son has made me go in there and buy corn every day I come home on the express bus and he meets me.  Their stuff is really good and fresh, reasonably priced and run by nice people.  (For three nights I had fresh corn and asparagus for dinner. By the third night (er fourth morning) my stomach told me it didn't want any more of the corn diet.

Then my son will zoom around the store helping Mr. Moto and Erik** put away items.  Naturally when I'm looking for him he's nowhere to be found.  Thank goodness he has a short name because when you've screamed it out 47 times it still rolls off your tongue.  And then when he appears I can only then get him to unpack the groceries and load them on the Las Vegas slot machine scanner belt (he's often told me he can't come because he's helping Mr. Moto or Erik and I will scream back (with what little voice I have left) "helping your MOTHER is more important than helping Mr. Moto!"  Usually Erik will hear this exchange and say in his low pied piper voice "Son, come and help your mother!" and he magically appears.  I HAVE JUST RE-READ THIS AND NO LONGER WONDER WHY I'M SO TIRED WHEN I COME BACK FROM THE SUPERMARKET!

So for now I'll continue to support Con Ed and sit in front of my a/c and veg.  Or finally catch up on the 12 hours of Hell's Kitchen they recently broadcast with interviews from the contestants (which put some interesting light on it as I've already seen the entire season on my ipod).  Rock the very deserving winner and Bonnie the most incredibly gracious loser I've ever seen.  I've told my son, already, that I want him to see the finale because he'll learn what a gracious loser is (something he hasn't gotten the concept of as I'm still finding "Sorry" cards covered with dust under the couch.)

And when I was on my initial interview and my boss asked me what book have you read recently (because on my resume it says I enjoy a fireplace and a good book) I froze and said well gee I haven't been to the library.  Chance for a do over "Beauty Fades, Dumb is Forever" by Judge Judy. (Which I've actually read more than once and let me tell you she should be running the country.) 

Did I mention that I think that Gordon Ramsay is the sexiest man I've ever seen.  Love to see what he does with those hands besides cut carrots.  (I have to say fair and square that he's married to a beautiful, smart woman who has paid her dues and for the first time in my life I don't say gee I wish he wasn't married -- never mind I am -- as I've seen that entire family together and he's the most loving husband and doting daddy.  Yes, folks that Gordon Ramsay who runs his kitchen like the military.  And gee has six or seven successful restaurants and Michelin Stars and yes, I just found out that he has one a few city blocks from where I work.  So hopefully some day I'll be able to walk over there and see what his food is like.  (No chance of seeing him because even if he happens to be in one of his restaurants he stays in the kitchen.  I'll have to continue watch him take off his shirt and slip into his whites on Kitchen Nightmares (boo hoo ha ha).

*Real Name Not Used

**Not his real name either

Blahg

I've been so down on myself.  And then I read your posts on your coolest site I've ever seen.  Makes me feel a little better.  Now if only I though half as highly of myself.

 So I still didn't call my dad and my mother has no doubt been cursing me out all day.  Since I've fallen into this deep depression I've made it clear (at least to my brother who wanted to know why I hadn't been in touch with my parents since -- for once -- we didn't have an argument) that I feel like crap and don't want to talk to anyone.  Would you believe I finally bought some new bras.  Now that might not seem like news but I've gained so much weight that I now have the hooters people (why I don't know) actually want.  And I kept thinking oh gee I'll lose all this weight (overnight) and can wear my old bras.  Somewhere I read an article that you need a new bra when you gain weight, lose weight and I can't think of the other reason.  (The last time I was pregnant and my boobs are even bigger than when I was).  Well what do you know.  I put on a new bra and it looked like I lost 10 pounds.  The girls are up there.  Ho, ho, ho and tomorrow I have a private lesson with my favorite karate (okay mixed martial arts -- which is another excuse to beat the crap out of everyone) instructor.  I really like her.  She gives me hope that I can actually do it.

My crew just got home.  Sullen husband and kid happy to see me.  One out of two ain't bad.