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Blahg

Please help me I'm surrounded by idiots!

Blahg

Listening to the words "you have to send another letter" makes me cringe.  Because it means you will stand over my shoulder and dictate some dribble and then "edit" it and massacre the English language even further.  I've given up when it comes to grammar and punctuation.  If you want a comma up your ass for that matter you can have it because I get paid the same no matter where you put it.  Just like when I tried to tell you what friable asbestos meant yesterday when I heard you tell someone on the phone you didn't know what it meant and when I told you -- because I've actually had experience in commercial real estate -- something you think you have and fool people into thinking you have (but don't fool me) you waived me off.  You can't stand to be wrong.  You should get over yourself since you're so dumb and think you you’re smart.  That's worse than a truly dumb person just doing what comes naturally. You are dangerous sometimes thinking you are smart.  When you shoot yourself in the foot I hope I'm far away as you'll probably miss.

Blahg

Stop me from myself please...

I feel like, no I know almost all the weight has creeped back on.  I stopped walking and stopped going to karate.  I've become a sloth.  I have an unexpected week off.  Actually it's the rest of my "vacation."  Translation:  my cheap boss who is a millionare doesn't want me in there when my other boss, who actually has the occasional piece of work, is out so I will sit there and do nothing for five hours a day. 

Tomorrow I have to go back to karate.  Not to mention that I've resurrected our 25 year old lumpy couch (yes, it's probably older because it was in my parents house for years) with the now stained old couch cover.  Why don't I have a new couch.  Because I'm spending all the money (translation: credit) on karate.  I feel like shit so that's a good sign to get back in shape. 

 The best thing in my life is my son.  In the past two days we've been having a blast.  I took him to the Transit Museum yesterday as he's latest "interest" is old subway cars.  He can't get over that some of the "relics" I actually rode when I was younger.  It scared me because it made me feel mortal (and scared once again). 

Blahg

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOHN AND JENNIFER.  I KNOW I'VE NEVER MET EITHER ONE OF YOU (YET) BUT YOU ARE SPECIAL PEOPLE IN KAREN'S LIFE AND MAKE HER VERY HAPPY SO YOU MAKE ME VERY HAPPY!

 WISHING YOU LOTS OF FUN, LOVE AND HUGS!!!

Blahg

Tonight I almost passed out in karate class.  Ran down to the locker room and called my shrink.  Left a message on the machine.  I shoulda have tried to fix it when it wasn't broke.  So I was feeling not perfect a couple of months ago and was exercising etc. and asked if my Prozac could have stopped working.  (I had the "poop out" years ago and added Wellbutrin).  He said it's possible.  So dummy me went on Lexapro.  10 mg did nothing.  20 mgs has given me the runs, bouts of nausea (like I need to spend even more time vomiting),  itchy skin, a bizillion things I can't ascribe to anything else and I have totally lost my sex drive.   I thought the Lexapro would be easier in that I didn't need the "brand" approval from my insurance company.  Crap

Okay in a few hours I can call my doctor's office yet again. 

Oh in answer to the person who asked what belt I was:

 Black and Blue belt.

Blahg

I figured it was time to post a real picture of myself.  Decided to take it in my birthday suit.  Guess I'm not so shy after all.

http://members.shaw.ca/spudnewt/sierranaked.jpg

Blahg

Was when my son woke me up out of a sound sleep to tell me Karen was on the phone.  She was stuck on the freeway and said she couldn't think of anyone else to call.  Glad it was us.  There are so few people in my life who mean something to me.  I can count them on one hand and she's one of the few.  Funny for someone I've never physically met but hearing her makes me happy, brings out a lighter side in me and my son adores her.  Can't wait for the day I get out there to visit her.  Of course my lumpy couch is still waiting for her to sleep on.  I have never made that offer to anyone else.  My apartment is small and chaotic but I bet it wouldn't bother her and having her here would be so much fun.

Back to work tomorrow.  I'm not looking forward to that.  Not because of the work (or lack there of) just the day-to-day stupidity I have to deal with.  My body is starting to adust to the Prozac (again).  I've had stomach trouble for the past three days but I know, as in the past, it will disappar within two weeks.  Of course I'm about to get my period.  I wore one of my favorite shirts tonight.  (My mom passed it on to me.)  It says "I'm out of estrogen and I have a handgun.  Any questions" It's bright red with an angry cat on it.  Perfect.

Blahg

I was talking to someone today and I mentioned how the term "bi-polar" has replaced "manic-depressive" and I said "I wish I was a manic-depressive, at least I would have the manic.  she questioned me till I explained clinical depression and how it bites, how medication saved my life.  Right now I feel like shit.  The heartburn and other stomach ailments have been relentless, I'm wired/tired and I hate everyone (except my kid).

Ah Wednesday is Phantom -- some relief.

Blahg

I'm really bored at work (what else is new) so I decided to go to the USA website and check out L&O CI.  Now I admit it's one of my favorite shows but in the past 20 minutes I have:

Found out what kind of profiler I am.

Answered more questions correctly than incorrectly about my personal knowledge of the detectives in the major case squad.

Signed up for mobil alerts.

I need a life plain and simple.  Does anyone have one they want to give me.  (Note:  It has to be much more interesting than the one I already have.  This shouldn't be too hard.)

Blahg

No, I'm not happy you're getting married.  I'm not happy that when I had my chance I could have grabbed you but I was too slow.  I'm happy for you though.  I really like her.   Why couldn't I ever fall in love with someone who was financially secure.  Why did I marry losers.  People with no ambition.  I'm really depressed.

Please don't send me a plane ticket.  If you see my face it will be a dead give away.

Blahg

I don't feel any better than I did hours ago.  Today was hell sitting up front at the moron desk without a computer and bad lighting.  Really it's like a cave without the sense of adventure.   Thank God I didn't have to answer the phone because the numb nutz receptionist never showed me how -- like I'd want her job -- I've answered enough fucking phones in my life for another lifetime.  My last maniac boss -- the one who had seven secretaries in a year -- I was number eight -- had constant ringing phones which I had to answer constantly.  In addition he couldn't hear out of one year and he yelled and I had to let him know who was on the phone all the time by jumping up and passing him notes.  I digress but who cares.  So I sent faxes and people came by and fed me and gave me water.  So I spent the entire day dwelling on my bad points, how I haven't been to karate in weeks and am getting fat again -- as I've either been shitting or puking from my anti-depressants which haven't kicked in yet.  I can't believe that I felt this bad all the time at one point in my life.   I'm also scared that my meds might not work as I was stupid enough to go off them for something "better".  Chit maybe it's finally menopause. 

 Took a break from my whining.  Ate something.  Don't feel any better. 

Blahg

I fell asleep after I wrote the last entry.  Even though my husband was massaging my back and asking me what he should do.  Translation since  we actually kissed one another earlier in the morning and I felt that old spark (which I still do when he kisses me.  As I always said his kisses make me dizzy.)  We hoped that our child would go to sleep early and we could cozy up.  What he should do by the way is take one of the Viagra for which I dearly shelled out $400.  insurance doesn't cover it but let me tell you it's worth every penny.  He still hasn't had a four hour erection yet.  Like I'd let him call a doctor.  Heck any woman I've spoken to -- translation my best married friend sister alter-ego who has been on vacation and realizing now she would have been very helpful in my unhingement this week (is that a word).  I found out about the Viagra/Cialis from her because her husband is a diabetic and his meds affect his ability to perform.  Not unlike my hubby who seemed to be "working" at it and I certainly wasn't enjoying it.  Okay get it up, use it fast game over...ho hum and I'm a person who never has trouble having an orgasm.  Which is the straw that broke the camels back as I mentioned with the earlier antidepressant I tried to take and I lost my sex drive.  Oh and the one man I mentioned the four hour erection to said "Call a doctor? I'd call more women!" 

When I first woke up I went into the bathroom and looked in the mirror, saw my reflection with my sticking up hair and said "argggh I look like the Phantom".  So I went into the closet and took out my hat and mask (which I didn't get to use because I was sick last Friday as well and missed the costume party), put it on and went into the living room where my husband was watching TV. and said "I went to sleep and woke up feeling funny" DEADPAN ALTHOUGH WHO CAN TELL AS I'M WEARING A BIG BLACK PHANTOM HAT AND HALF MASK.  I've already packed my bag for karate tomorrow -- no pronouncements of going which is why I didn't say to tell them I'd see them tomorrow when my son went tonight.  I'm taking the bag to work (which is huge) so I can go from work, take an early class (very crowded but I don't care) and then come home earlier so I won't have to be out with the crazies so I won’t get eggs or shaving cream on me.  Then again I can go home in my mask and hat and shout “DID I NOT INSTRUCT YOU TO LEAVE BOX 5 EMPTY!”