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Blahg

EVERY LAST FUCKING STUPID ONE OF YOU TAKE TWO REAMS OF PAPER -- SHOVE ONE IN YOUR MOUTH AND THE OTHER UP YOUR ASS.

Blahg

Whoever coined the expression you have to get back on the horse, obviously never got back on the horse. 

 Believe me I know because when I was at Camp Quannicut I took horseback riding all five years I was there.  And in my last year they had some "brilliant" instructor who said that you shouldn't ride the same horse twice.  So instead of letting me ride my beloved, slow, wheat colored "Crumpet" they made me ride on this black, wiry, high strung horse named "Tarzan".  I was still in the ring when I got Tarzan to move two feet at which point he put his head down and I almost slid off, I got Tarzan to move another two feet (after my instructor kept saying kick him -- at which point Tarzan was probably thinking whatever) and he put his head down and to do his best ostrich imitation and I slid off, fell plop in some muck,  hay and horse manure.  That hurt.  But what was interesting was that even though I was hurting like hell and the "brilliant instructor" asked me if I wanted to go to the infirmary I said "no I'm fine" really I wasn't.  So finally brilliant instructor said I could get back on Crumpet.  Crumpet wasn't fooled.  I got on his wonderfully, familiar, golden back and he wouldn't move an inch.  No matter how hard I tried Crumpet wasn't moving an inch.  (I realize now in his horse wisdom that he probably felt sorry for me having to ride on his rotten stable mate.)  So I got off Crumpet and the brilliant instructor got on him and kicked the crap out of him and sure enough he took off.  And she said "see he's moving."  Yeah, well he probably felt the weight of lard ass, where at that time in my life I was a five foot hundred pound feather. 

 Today I went back to Karate.  And let me tell you I’m saddle sore.  When I woke up this morning – okay afternoon – I felt groggy and sick but I told myself the night before that I was going to get to karate if I had to roll up 63^rd Drive to get there.  And by the time I got there I was already sweating like a pig. (Another expression I wonder about.  How do pigs sweat?  Maybe I can get a government grant to study same and not work for the rest of my life.) My instructor, who was very glad to see me, and completely understood why I had been away.  They all know about my meds – my husband who was there with our son last night kept telling them over and over again on my wife really wants to be here, she’s home crying and as I said to my husband (and to my educated instructors) no one who pays for 600 classes in advance “doesn’t want to be there.”  I went down to the locker room to change (actually I was already in “uniform”.  For private lessons – thank God you are allowed to wear the white scrubs/waiter pants with a “uniform” black shirt of which I own three.  Much better than having to put the other bathrobe half of my uniform on with the belt that keeps on falling off.  I was happy to see that they are finally renovating the locker room – giving us some room in there and that the toilets now work and have privacy very glad as I had yet another attack of the runs so virulent that I thought I was going to have to go upstairs and cancel.  After about 15 minutes I heard my instructor calling my name yes, I’m here and I’m coming upstairs please let me wipe my ass and pray I didn’t soil my white pants.

Sensei, tough stuff who now runs the entire school, since Sensei gorgeous left is running a different ship.  Not bad I might add and I have great respect for Sensei tough stuff.  Did I mention that he’s  also gorgeous.  While Sensi Gorgeous was California surfer gorgeous Sensei Tough Stuff is Marine tall gorgeous and I wouldn’t throw him out of bed.  As a matter of fact I was flirting with him a lot today because since the school was empty of students at that hour he was walking around in a tight T and camouflage shorts.  What a bod.  

Went I went downstairs I paid a  visit to Sensi Tough Stuff’s office to chat. He was telling me how well my son was doing and how he admired my “don’t quit” spirit which prompted a discussion about “Body by Jake” (Stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit, it’s at times like these when you must not quit.  DON’’T QUIT”.)  Sensei also told me how he used to watch Body by Jake on the couch eating junk food.  And I said “Body by Cake” (not original).  Damn it this guy is so sexy.  Anyway, when I was mentioning that he looked really good (because he has been training extra hard and it shows) I said “I’m married not dead” and he laughed and said “you’re window shopping!”  I got hysterical as I’ve never heard that one.  Well folks it’s definitely official that my sex drive is back because sweating, looking, like crap, sore and bruised I was thinking of the moves I’d like to teach this guy.  (I’ll bet that I have some even he’s never tried.)

Blahg

My husband is a strange character.  Yeah, I knew that, his ex wife did too but she divorced him sooner.  She had a legal reason -- mine is only annoyance. 

I sent him to "driving" school well over a year ago so he could get a CDL and get a job driving a bus, Fed Ex etc but did he do anything -- no.  Have we had to struggle on my 1/2 a salary for the entire year.  Yes.  Yah he picks up a few bucks with his juggling act but the bottom line is that it's me who has been borrowing against MY credit cards because I don't want to go back to working 60 hour weeks for lawyerlikemaniacs.  So today I'm still achy from yesterdays bathroom olympics and private karate lesson (excuse me Mixed Martial Arts translation:  more places to hurt) and I woke up an 40 minutes ago or so and my husband who was taping a movie jumped up to suddenly sweep the floor, wash dishes in the kitchen (which I tell him over and over again it's a waste of time like duh there's a reason I have a dishwasher) and look "busy".  So I called over my son -- who really is my "mirror" and asked him if his father suddenly got busy the minute I entered the room to which he replied in the affirmative.  To which I already knew and said who does he think he's fooling.  And I really don't care that he's watching t.v. on a weekend it doesn't address the bigger issue i.e. he has an entire week doing nothing to clean the house and he still doesn't have a full time job so I can't quit mine.

Okay folks what do you think about Dog Chapman?  I think his son is a rotten lowlife for taping what was supposed to be a private phone conversation like who doesn't use the "N" work the "K" word whatever racial slur you use in the privacy of your own conversations.  It's a fact of life.  Spencer is beginning to make Heidi look smart and likeable and if ever had any doubts that Whitney is a total bubblehead it's been confirmed.  I can't fault LC for being rich and pretty that's what she does best and doesn't seem to either instigate or really enjoy all the conflict (real or maufactured) and I still say she's right about Spencer being a douchbag.  I love Jon and Kate and finally remember all the names of their aborable kids and hate Little People Big World because they are a bunch of very annoying people who happen to be dwarfs.  Tori and Dean have produced the cutest little boy and I even find her appealing and somewhat likable (okay shoot me). Yep this is what I do when there's no ThrowDown on the Food channel and I've already watched Iron Chef.  Paula Deen should be put int a septic tank and never heard from again along with Giada what's her purpose anyway except to show her boobs and eat expensive food us mortals can never afford.  I never thought I would like Rachel Ray but when she's cooking, or finding cheap restaurants she's totally endearing.  Guy Fietti has the coolest job in the world -- please take me across the country to go do all these places.  They play CNN in the elevator all the time at work.  Don't need to see the misery of the real world thank you very much.  Oh yeah and all of the Mind of Mencia is on my ipod.  Carlos is a genius.  Hmm he's on cable and insults everybody and is paid fot it and is funny so how does this differ from Dog.  Oh yeah right his son who is probably too much of a lazy ass to help out in the family business taped a "private" phone conversation with his father and sold it to the National Equirer for a lot of money in where his father used the "N" word.

If this entry is boring you don't read it.  It feels really good to empty my mind of useless nonsense.

Blahg

Leave the junky hot dogs alone they are still trigger food. 

I hope they kissed and made up or I'm going to be very sad.

Okay, I'm still mortified how long did you know?

But the truth is the fish made me adore you.

Can anyone tell that I love to beat myself up?

Blahg

Kids Night on Broadway is here again.  If you don't know what it is every year Broadway has this deal where you pay full price for a ticket and your kid goes free.  I started going to live theatre when I was very young.  The tickets went on sale today and let me tell you this year it's tough.  Last Year we got tickets to LeMiz almost on the stage.  It seems the trend has caught on.  After tying to get tickets to a hit show I finally settled for the Fantastiks.  Off Broadway, using Amex points.  I think I saw the show with Jerry Orbach when I was his age.  There's nothing like live Theatre.

Then again I also made sure my kid learned to tell time on a regular clock.

Blahg

And so even if I did do something stupid years ago I realize that I've more than made up for it over the years.  At least I think I have.  And I should be really happy to have such a smart buddy.

 Please tell me they kissed and made up or I will cry!

Blahg

It's official the annoying push to buy all the crap you can't afford and give it to people who feel obligated to give you stuff season is coming.  I stumbled over some the generic gifts in CVS -- crap that if someone gave it to you you'd stick in the back of your closet or garbage can and they you have to go out and buy a piece of crap for them.  God I hate this time of year. 

Blahg

I wonder if you ever figured out that the reason all your "close" friends bailed out on you is because your "friendship" had too many strings attached.  But you'll never accept any blame.  When you share your riches with your "friends" you don't make snide comments about how they'd be on the streets if it weren't for you, or you couldn't pay your taxes early because you were busy giving your "friends" your money.  I can't tell you how relieved that I don't have to go over to your house and spend 14 hours listening to bad female artists yowling boring vocals and you drooling over them. (Your taste leaves a lot to be desired.)  Don't have to listen to your legend in your own mind stories.  You could never be wrong about anything either. 

But I miss walking down your street on a cold night because it doesn't feel like the city and miss seeing your cat sitting in the window. 

Blahg

Somehow I thought I mattered more.  I guess it's only when there's no one else. So what else is new.

I'm happy I never had a second child because I don't have to play favorites.  I don't think I could love anyone more than I love my son.  Just looked in on him sleeping as I always do.  Cover him up and say I love you and hear the groggy I love you too.

Blahg

Please don't ask me about your ipod again.  When I said I didn't know yesterday I wasn't kidding.  And I'm not in the mood to figure it out.  Oh good you're asking your cousin-who-takes-up-space-who-does-nothing-in-your-office and let his daughter tell you. 

I'm crampy, doped up (and more sleepy than dopey), bloated go away.

And I see you still don't care about me.  Was I stupid or what. You know who you are and time is running out to redeem yourself.  I feel used.

Oh good you aren't listening to your cousin either.

Blahg

Who is on my side these days?  

Blahg

I'm lonely tonight.  Really lonely.  I need a good friend, a hug and several hundred dollars.  Right now I'd settle for the friend.  They seem to be in short supply these days.  It seems that everyone I've trusted has let me down.  Story of my life.  I'm too nice for my own good, get screwed and they have the last laugh at my expense. Sometimes I wish I was a mean ass kisser.  My life would be so much easier.

Oh and stupid me should have tried to grab him when I had the chance.  Although it might have been trading one set of problems for another as I'm not a sports fan.

Blahg

You're marrying your best friend?  How can she be your best friend when you just met.  She might have gone to your high school but you are both in your 50's.  I think you are making a big mistake.  I think she's really nice but I have a sense of foreboding.  Maybe it's more my stupidity in that I could have started something when I had the chance.  She's definitely cut off your generosity not to mention your balls.  I figured it out when there was no plane ticket like you said there would be. She's probably handling all the money too.  Of cousre I might have been trading one set of problems for another but I'll never know.

What I do know right now is that I'm still lonely and unhappy.  I have no one I can talk to which is really depressing.  My so-called friends appear to have abandoned me.  Maybe they weren't friends in the first place.  Maybe I was just stupid and giving. Story of my life.

Blahg

Idiot Boss:  Where did you go?

Me:             I disappeared into thin air, I'm back now.

Blahg

12:45 p.m.  Moron boss shuffles out of office.

 Aren't you supposed to be here at 12:30? 

Me:  Yes. (Not that I've been in at 12:30 for five months now.)

Me:  I get in when my bus gets in (which is true -- hits city around 12:30-25 and I walk 7 blocks).

 Moron:  You need to make changes on this Will I have to leave at 2:00 and Mr. so and so is coming in at 1:00 p.m.  (Which he told me yesterday.)

Me:  Okay give it to me and I'll make the changes in 7 minutes.  (Which I actually did in five and then pointed out the things he forgot to do.)  Finally hunt him down in conference room.

Moron:  I don't even know if I'll use this one.  (This was a second version.)  Okay but now you have two.  The second one is called "without trust".

I hate this place so fucking much.  I hate this man so fucking much.  I hate the fact that my brain is going to atrophy if it hasn't already.  This guy is such a fucking idiot as are the rest of this group.

I found out that they are having a Christmas "party" on December 21st but it's still a secret.  Give me time to make up a good excuse for not going.  Like I want to hang out with a bunch of people in my spare time that I don't want to hang around with when I'm being paid to.  I already have the perfect excuse.  1.  It's on a Friday -- my day off as if I'll cancel a private karate lesson, or give up washing my hair, or sleepng late.  2.  If they offer to give me another day off (which will never happen) I'll use the excuse that my son will be home from school (which he will), my husband is peforming in the Nutcracker (which he is in Staten Island -- but his performances will be over long before the 21st -- they'll never now that).

Every fucking Christmas/Holiday/Whathave you party I've been to in any office has been miserable.  The "peons" usually group together while watching the higher ups get drunk.  I used to get drunk till I found out that I either threw up excessively that night or yammered on about how nice one of the partner's ties was (that I really did and his tie was nice). Bottom line I don't want to be around these people any more than I have to.