It started on Monday at 5:15 when my boss called me into his office and said he wanted to talk to me about something. Usually when you hear something like that it's never good news. So he says "we're thinking of downsizing (starting the NEXT FUCKING DAY!) As you can see business is slow (or some nonsense) yeah I knew that as I've been staring at the walls and any work they have given me I'm too competent that I can't drag things out.
So he said they were cutting me down to two days and hopefully the other two days I could work for the other attorney in the office. The other attorney the one who would call me in before work which meant extra money in my pocket. 5:15 on a fucking Monday (when I leave at 5:30) after being there a year and a half without a fucking raise, being the best assistant they ever had, the longest one at that.
So I talked to the other guy and suddenly he's all in a panic. Which I totally stupid since he's expressed how he wish he could have me full time but could never steal them away from them. Ya de dah. And I worked for him yesterday. And today I put my foot down and said the only way I'd agree to any of is is that I don't lose my two weeks (okay 8 days since I work a 4 day week) and 5 sick days (which I actually challenged since I wound up in the hospital. Hey if I call in sick I'm sick I'm not taking a day at the beach.)
So I have to pretend how much I really want to work with this other guy on a permanent basis, how I can learn his work, how I can make his life easier blah blah blah he's not going to get any better than me (that's true). Since Monday I've been crying my eyes out, drugging myself to numb the pain, crying more. And now I'm pissed very pissed at all of them. So my plan is now as long as I have to put up with it I will work for each of those motherfuckers for two days a week. I hate them, they have no respect, are sneaky and rotten bastards. I will have the last laugh though. You see once the other attorney see's how much easier I've made his life by learning everything I can learn I will quit with out notice.
My husband knows he now has to go on job interviews every day till he finds something and I don't care if I have to make lattes at Starbucks. I want to get away from those backstabbing, inconsiderate motherfuckers as soon as I can. I who have never "appropriated" anything from an office came home with an arm ache as I was toting an entire ream of paper since our printer at home ran out.
I feel like I'm getting sick, have been tired, skipping karate, just plain fucking miserable. My friend suggested I get back to church which is not a bad idea as it was my source of comfort and sanity for years. Church and karate. Yep, I'll pray that I don't kick those motherfucker's asses.
I feel hurt, betrayed, angry, their complete lack of respect...I think I'm just about cried out. Now I have to practice a stiff upper lip. I have to strong an work ethic to do a bad job no matter what.
On a completely different note I call my house when I know my son gets home from school every day. Usually I ask him about his day and the big "what was school lunch" question. Today I asked him "did anything interesting happen in school today" and he said "nothing" and I said did anything uninteresting happen in school and he said 'ALWAYS". Wow did I laugh at that one. If a kid can be a soulmate than my son fills the bill. He's so much like me, so attuned to my moods, we can just look at one another and know what the other is thinking, even say the same the same things simultaneously. The best was six months or so ago and I came home and my husband asked me how my day was. And my son and I looked at one another and burst into the song "You Had A Bad Day!" We still laugh at that one.
So I spent about an hour cleaning this shithole of a desk. When Mr. Disorganization realizes it and panics (hey I already warned him) I will show him the box below with his assorted papers which could be important. Thown out were nine year old UPS labels, 20 assorted sheets of labels (to feed into a printer) in different sizes with only one or two on the sheet (trashed), envelopes postmarked from when postage was five cents (and I'm sure if it was relevant to a case the Statute of Limitations has expired). The other attorney who does work for everyone in the office but mostly for Mr. Oblivious is on my side and has ordered me every office supply I asked for without question. A new keyboard (one that doesn't stick), a real metal legal size typing stand with a bar to keep my place -- not the piece of crap plastic ones that break. This is a necessity as this guy does a lot of litigation and I need to be able to see things at eye level not at desk level, real uniball pens, whiteout that isn't sealed shut, a desk calander (for next year) sorry but the one from 1991 isn't going to help me unless of course the days are the same, a mousepad with a wrist rest so I don't have to endure any more pain, and she and I agree update this antiquated software to Word. He's afraid of Word. (He is the only attorney I know that has Word Perfect from the year Gimmel.) This guy has tons of money to spend and he's getting me for a fraction of the price of what anyone as skilled as I am (which deep down he knows but wanted to bust my chops when I insisted to be paid for holidays, sick days, vacation days like I did with the other two -- let them figure out who pays what since they are splitting my "generous" salary in half. Meanwhile he's been in court all morning and since he's come in he's been on the phone so I might just be able to work on my Pogo badges yet.
Oh and since my friend in the office and I are always texting one another I've set the ringtone to "Take This Job and Shove It!"
I finally had to have the damn tooth extracted. They gave me antibiotics which I told them I can't take (and threw away the prescription) and a few Vicodin which I had to beg them for. (The weaker strength yet.) Neither Vicodin nor ice is helping. This just tops off this miserable week. And tonight he got married to the manipulative money grubber shit. (My fault for not acting fast enough. I would never have had to work another day and my kid would have had a back yard.) I need a hug, I need a friend, I feel so lonely.
This is something that has been bugging me for a while and while I might offend many this is my blog so if you don't like what I'm about to say well tough. I would like to see some equality brought back into television commercials. What do I mean by this? How about some white people in commercials. I do not have a bigoted bone in my body but I it seems it an effort to overcompensate for years of inequality every effing t.v., print ad whathave you is forgetting that there is more than one race out there. And I have to laugh at the black family sitting down to dinner eating KFC. I'm sick of all this reverse discrimination. There I've said it so shoot me.
So I finally got my butt back to church. It was the smartest thing I've done in a long time. I don't hate everyone and I don't hate myself and basically I don't care what crap they throw at me because I'm not alone. Repentance is a hard pill to swallow but a good one.
I read your latest entry. Since I'm still on the reminder list...When you were in my life I had to listen to your boring stories of your past that wasn't even true (yes, I knew but I think you got to the point where you believed your own "lies" ) now you talk to dead people. I think you've totally lost it but I'm not going to tell you. I learned that a friendship with you cost too much. And when you did bail me out you kept throwing it in my face. I wonder if you've figured it out by now. The day I ran into you at Penn Station -- right after the Steam Pipe blast when I was stuck in a store -- yes, the owner ran out and left me there and as I saw the steam billowing down the street, while I frantically banged on the glass when the owner finally came back after locking me and yellng at me. I still have the dress in my closet that was trying on with a big hole in it where I had to cut out the security tag since I ran out of the store since I couldn't find my shirt. (By the way that going out of business store is still going out business.) Was it really July? Yes, it was because I was on my way home to celebrate my wedding anniversary and you invited me to a concert and when you couldn't manipulate me into attending it with you, you said I'll pick someone up I always do which I let sit because if you really picked up all those women you said you'd picked up over the years you wouldn't be draining the life out of all of us who tried to be friends with you. I know it's really over because this is the first time in 12 years (since we got back together) that you didn't send me a Christmas card. It makes me sad. I hope I'm still the beneficiary on your life insurance policy though. You did make a big deal out of that since you drove everyone else away -- before and after you inherited the money.
Have a Merry Christmas in your fantasy, pseudo-"Buddhist", old movie, rock concerts world.
He asked me can you compute the rent schedules at your desk and I said no I can't. (Which isn't true) It's bad enough to type them (Which is true). As far as computation I will not use my brain for one iota necessary for this crap ass job ever again. After the way I've been treated I will do only what's necessary and play dumb after that. I've never liked the idea of ass kissing (which if I had done it throughtout my life would have been easier) or dumbing down but when I'm being treated will so little regard I'm not making any more effort than I have to and it's going to be minimal.
Oh crap I had to use my brain. Even I couldn't leave that mistake where you put it.
Mr. Stupid: You're here
Me: Yep, I've been hear for 10 minutes you've been on the phone and if you think I'm going to sing and dance in front of your desk to get your attention you must have me confused with somebody else. As it is I hate your boring sorry ungrateful ass.
Mr. Stupid: Gets back on phone.
