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Blahg

crap, thought my blog was gone as I went to an outdated link on my toolbar.  why should I care as if anyone ever reads it in the first place. okay I know that some of us use it as a way to finding out what's going on in the other person's lives...

you will never be in my life again.  You thoughtless bastard who was so full of himself and now you are still full of yourself only you don't know I know it because you are hosting a blog on aol you pathetic loser

and you whose poetry has touched my soul...why did you have to get engaged...even in my fantasies I wound up with you because you were sensitive and loving and lived in a place i'd love to live...i am really happy for you and your finance though you really deserve one another in the best way...

i still have no life, i still hate my job.  the people I thought were friends (dummy me) were friends as long as they were mad with one another...now I don't count and I'm actually being blamed for taking the vacation time you wanted when i said over and over i don't care, didn't care and it was your boss who decided.  guess it's better to blame someone you actually have the guts to blame since you're too much of a chicken shit to talk back to your boss and now that you have a raise you have no excuse to bitch and moan how oveworked you are and it's a stupid low blow for the "management" to tell you to tell me that i don't get a raise for a year...please god let me not be there in a year...although if transit never calls me...and my husband (ha) gets a good paying job (yeah right) and maybe i'll just get creative and make money yeah yeah yeah

i'm so overweight it's awful and i'm bloated and i'm not stupid why we have sex in the dark your ugly ex wife was skinny i'll give her that but for the life of me...oh yeah she looked like she was 14 and that's always been a problem for you...lucky you didn't crash the computer this time you son of a bitch

my son almost let one of our cats drown today...actually it fell in the toilet after pooping on his floor gee as i've said you and your dad need to come to some kind of agreement and keep the box clean I'LL SAY IT AGAIN I'LL PAY FOR THE CAT'S UPKEEP AS I PAY FOR EVERY OTHER FUCKING THING IN THIS HOUSE BUT I WON'T SCOOP POOP AND YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO VACUUM AS WE"RE ALL SNEEZING.  poor kitty i rescuted you cold, shivering covered with kitty litter and i have to bathe her dry her in a t-shirt because there were no clean towels which means until hubby does the damn wash ... wish he was as concerned about the house as he was about cleaning the fucking karate studio which pays you almost nothing...i'm so pissed at my son even though he's never had a pet before.  forgiven but i'm still steamed as he holds the sleeping kitty...

do i have anything else to complain about check back later

Blahg

The cats are bouncing off the wallls something which occurs nightly.  Now they are sitting on the radiator the two cute faces staring at me.  I call them my "kattens" as they are are still kittens but almost the size of a full cat.  Gordon is my baby.  He will snuggle up to me or fall asleep on me in the strangest positions.  It's hard for me to believe he's living and breathing.  Maybe he knows the sadness and horrible guilt I still feel for leaving my cat behind at the mercy of my cocksucker ex husband.  I had not choice.  I couldn't take him with me and I know I left my poor kitty in the hands of a sick bastard.  He used to beat up both the cats and did things that I still cringe to think about.  I hug Gordon close and try not to think about Nonie.  I don't want to cry.

Blahg

So I took the hideously ugly Christmas card his ex sent us and let the cat chew it up.  I could leave it at this and hear my half a reader say oh how funny or how fitting.  But the truth is that I'm friendly with his ex.  She did the right thing by dumping my husband and we're nothing but friendly.  She's a very talented artist who is finally selling her artwork and I'm happy for her.  This card was not one of the better examples of her talent.  What does bother me is my "stepson".  He never calls or communicates with his half brother.  You could say that his half brother should initiate communication but his "brother" is 11 and he is 23 old enough to know better.  Then again there has never been a relationship with his father.  We did meet when he was 16 -- he was a shy kid with not much personality.  He's now an cynical adult who believes in nothing spiritual and probably will serve him well in the world of physics.  Problem is what is he going to get a job doing with a degree in physics?  Also the most "scientific" people I've know are usually the smost spiritual.  The rotten kid never thanked me when I sent him a hundred bucks four years ago when I had it to spare.  When you're a "grown up" your mom shouldn't have to say your thank yous for you.  I go back to work tomorrow and I'm not happy about it.  A week off wasn't enough.  Should have tried to win the lottery between last week and now.  When I started this job I thought my salary was a small fortune.  Now I feel like I'm being underpaid and found out I don't get a raise till I'm there for a year.  Six more months and then I have to fight for what I consider a fair raise (so I've been told).  Maybe if my lazy ass husband went out and got a real job it wouldn't be an issue.  But he's a lazy fuck.  I paid almost two thousand bucks to send him to driving school for his CDL and he's made no effort to find anything.  Instead he cleans the karate studio for 900 bucks a month a job he goes to every day.  I had to tell the numb nuts who run the place that he deserved something for Chistmas.  They said in his next check.  Shit, I have to be the one to ask.  I married such a useless wimp.  And now I'm stuck with him.  I can't put myself through another divorce.  He has some practical use I'm just trying to figure out what it is.  He does the wash.  (I could send it out.) He cleans the house only when I press it and frankly I'm sick of pressing it.  Basically he does nothing but write useless stuff in diaries and the like and says he's busy.  I'd love to see him have to pay the bills.  And so it goes.