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Blahg

I can't say that I hope the entire fucking thing blows up in your face and leaves you heartbroken you skanky, ugly, undeserving bitch!

Blahg

I'm in such a bad mood.  It seems that I'm almost always in a bad mood lately.  I have no one to confide in, I hate my job (it's boring).  Everyone has let me down in one way or another.  I know I'm responsible for my own happiness but just sometimes I wish someone else could be.  I'm still in amazement how some ugly skanky loony bitch could snag a man that I thought was unavailable.  True I'm married but the bottom line (so call me a cheat) is that I've wanted him for a long time.  And this bitch (with two grown kids no less) managed to get him to leave his home, quit his job and drive 3/4 across the country to live with her in her dumb hick town.  This is the bitch who took advantage of my feelings -- was she laughing the next day or is she just the plain wackadoo -- I believe she is.  I'm sick of being disappointed and licking my wounds.

Blahg

I just had yet another fight with my husband.  He's a lazy ass.  I'm the one who has been keeping the roof over our heads, I'm the one who has been paying the bills, I'm the one who went into debt when I wasn't working.  He tells me how busy he is:  doing laundry (big deal I could send it out), cleaning the house (minmally and there are other people who can do that to).  So what do I have?  No one I can depend on.  It's always been up to me.  My one friend is best friends with her husband.  She'd rather be with him than anyone else and they have fun together.  I wonder what that's like.  The only man who came close was T nine years ago.  He and I met online (before it was really hip to do so) and "groked".  It was amazing.  Finishing each other's sentences, not having to say things -- his wife also didn't "get" him.  We finally did meet - spent a couple of days together -- and unfortunately the chemistry wasn't there.  Not in person anyway.  He also said that he couldn't do to his daughter what his father did to him.  Now that my son is the age his daughter was at the time I get it.  But much of the time I think my son and I would be better off without his father.  Certainly he doesn't contribute anything to my life.

I just told my husband I hate him when I hung up on him before.  Sad to say I mean it!

Blahg

So I wished you well and lied and said that you're beautiful when you smile.  You aren't beautiful but but ugly.  You look like a blobby no chin slob.  And your new "husband" yucch.  He's as fat as a pig. Funny how he didn't look like that in his original facebook pix.  To think I actually wanted him.  Yucch.  Now I realize that if he did go for someone as ugly as you even in an ideal world there's no way I would have gone after him or wanted him.  I hope reality sets in.  I will never forgive you for the way you used me. Oh and I saw the "wedding album".  Every member of his family (both genders) look like the barroom scene from Star Wars.  What a bunch of truly unattractive people.  Yep, you fit in pretty well.  Let's hope you don't decide to reproduce any time soon. 

Blahg

Let me get this straight.  You complain about goof offs in this office but you spend an enormous amount of time goofing off.  I love how you hint that I might be doing the same but it’s not happening.  If I don’t have something to do I find something to do, I ask.  I don’t spend hours on the phone chatting to my family, friends, on-line shopping.  I work. You say how overworked you are but the bottom line is you’re not.  And you’re sore that I didn’t want to proofread your crap.  You never proofread anything and they LET YOU GET AWAY WITH IT YET. Any other person would have their head handed to them.  And your buddy the receptionist.  I need a calendar to keep track of the days you hate her. Otherwise you’re hanging around her desk (yeah busy), “window” shopping on line, complaining, yeah you’re so put upon it makes me sick.  Please.

Blahg

Let me get this straight you have the fucking nerve to want me to find things for your party but you aren’t inviting me.  I understood the first time when it was “close” friends and family only but then your sister (presumably) bullied you into cancelling it.  Now you’re having a dinner again, which you told me about and the “friend” you’re inviting was next to me when you said it.  You really have no class.  What if you knew that the so-called “friend” sitting next to me likes you when it’s convenient, spends more time bitching about you behind your back.  Now I know why I'm better off having no friends, especially female ones.

Blahg

I'm sure I've said this before but I fully understand why people become addicted to opiates.  Since I've become the fat pig I am I've had constant back pain, and because I spent all those years with my head in a toilet tooth pain.  I've already had three extracted and I have one in the back with a gaping hole and need scads of dental work.  So my temporary solution is codiene.  Tyelenol 3 which I buy from El Salvador.  It's somewhat pricy (I'm now such a "good" customer I get 30 free ones with every order) but having gone without I like managing the pain.  Now mind you these "Tyelenol" do not pack the "punch" that the good old made in the USA ones do but they do the job.  When they first go to work there's a window of about 10 minutes where I feel wonderful and love everyone and creative and think of 100 constructive things to do.  But it's only 10 minutes worth and I've yet to do anything constructive in that time.  I guess I should also be thankful that they aren't that "strong" as I have an addictive personality.  The reason I know I'm not "hooked" is that I've gone months at a time without them, suffering (when I was out of work and couldn't afford them) and used to order them infrequently so I would have go weeks and weeks without.  The solution.  Go to fucking Weight Watchers which I've been paying for for five months and start to take off the weight and go work out a payment plan with a reputable dentist and have my mouth fixed.  All these things require work and I'm a lazy fuck.

Blahg

I’m miserable with a headache.  I wish I had just taken the rest of the week off.  Unfortunately it would have meant that I was stuck in my house and being around any members of my family right now (with the exception of my cats) does more harm than good.  I can’t stand my husband; my son has become a sullen brat.  I’m told it’s the age.

So put upon Martyr Daisy has the nerve to say to me take a break come to work.  She acts as if she’s the most put upon person in this place when in actuality she spends ½ her time on the phone with her boyfriend/family/friends or shopping on the internet.  And she whines that she’s the only one who is “watched”  I wish I could tell her what I really think of her but I have to work with her every day and it’s not like I can go to another department.  Meanwhile her best friend, who we all gave birthday presents to today (I said I have to rethink the coming to work on my birthday thing) is her friend today because she’s not bad mouthing her.  Give it a few days and she’ll have something negative to say.  Just like I’m sure I was the first course at lunch yesterday. 

Amber just texted me back.  Finally.  I don’t know why her friendship is so important to me as I’ve had to beg for it.  Bottom line is I really like her and think there’s something the potential for something there.  I need friends.  I have no one else.

Pizza party for Monica today.  I’m glad she liked her present.  Now if only I was invited to her party.  Why do I want to be invited.  Because I do.  I feel as if no one wants to play with me.

So fucking asshole prick boss tells me that I didn’t print out his fucking document the way he said he told me to.  So not to make waves I said I misunderstood.  If he’s going to take his bad mood out on me today I’m going to take mine out on him.  I just got my period added to the litany of shit above. 

I got my period an hour ago.  At work which added to all the fun I’m having.  Last night I had a fight with my idiot husband.  Then I had a fight with the idiot “support” person at Dell.  Is it me or are people becoming more stupid.  I’ve always hated stupidity but it seems lately that it’s being served up with seconds and thirds.

I want to go away for a few days.  I wish I could go back to the monastery I went to years ago for a yoga retreat.  There was a cottage on the lake and I had this amazing room all bright, quiet and sunny.  Right out the door was a living room with a working fireplace.  I also used to have the OA retreats.  At least it got me away even if it was “work”. 

These cramps bite.  Tylenol 3 to the rescue.  Thank goodness I’m good enough at what I do to fake it at work. 

Didn’t help all that much.  Pain is still enough and I’m bleeding like a stuck pig.  Okay how does a stuck pig bleed?   If anyone cares this has been written over the course of four or so hours. 

Daisy is yakking in Spanish (for a change) to boyfriend or family member yep she’s the busiest one in here all right!

Blahg

I have sucky cramps from hell and am bleeding like a stuck pig.  (I think I said that yesterday).  Just took my magic pills.  It's so great when my boss is gone so I don't have to worry about doing my job.  Right now I have mindless work.  I wish I felt the way I feel right now all the time.  I will enjoy the next 15 minutes of codiene heaven.

Blahg

My feelings are hurt.  Okay maybe I'm being a baby but I'm the only one not invited.  You invited Daisy, understandable considering she's your "best" friend (even if that's not what she says) but inviting Ella?  Ella?  Ella who you poke fun at.  Ella who while we all have lunch together everyday -- Ella?  You've known her for 10 years but we all work together.  Still feel like the only kid who didn't get the party invitation.  Or worse the day in fourth grade when Daniel was handing out the mini Sugar Daddys and I was next in line but he crossed over to the other desk and gave Shelia O'Hannon the last one.  Sheila who every boy had a crush on.  God that hurt.  And here I am almost 53 years old and feel the same hurt and anger as I did back then. Kids can be cruel.  Adults moreso, they've had more practice.