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Blahg

It is with a great deal of satisfaction that I’m watching Daisy a/k/a Ms. Put Upon and Overworked -- but spends more time on personal phone calls, on the Internet or hanging out with her BFF (this week) Monica than she actually works.  Her boss who usually isn’t in on Fridays is here giving her tons of work and tons of grief.

Meanwhile Monica actually apologized to me for not inviting me to her bash saying even some of her cousins couldn’t come.  Daisy bought me breakfast on Monday and yesterday gave me this delightful scrapbook (equivalent to a “baby book” for cats).  Believe or not I’m not irritated at Monica anymore.  Daisy I can live without.  She loves to play the victim, inflicts her bad moods on most of us and will never own up to her mistakes.  Gee hope her boss stays the entire day. Hee Hee Hee.

Blahg

I’m grateful I only have to work a half day.  It’s true that my husband and I have to meet with our son’s principal but anything is better than this place these days.  They still continue to include me at lunch, endlessly yapping about the party.  How her relatives love “her friends” and plans to go to the sister’s beach house this summer.   I guess I’m supposed be above it as Helen has known Monica for 10 years and that makes them “friends”.  Never mind the amount of time she’s spent over the past year badmouthing her.  And Daisy – how many times has she badmouthed Monica to me but hangs out with her on the weekends (and complains how ungrateful she is) and is constantly at her desk while Monica shops online and Daisy complains how she’s the most overworked person in the place but I notice she spends lots of time on personal phone calls (the speaking Spanish to her boyfriend – often – is a dead give away, and her entire family and countless “phone calls” to Monica (so theoretically her boss won’t see her up front).  Maybe I’m being ultra paranoid but even my bosses seem less nice.  One of them looks at me with downright pity.  Now I know one of them has been sore since I called in sick the day after Memorial Day.  Folks you should know by now if I call in sick I’m sick.  Yeah sick and tired of the shit that goes on in here.  So now I sit here with a heavy heart for another day.  Pretty soon Monica will come in no doubt 10 or more minutes late, dressed like a slob in her pajamas and the bosses won’t say a damn thing.  Just like John and James both in the mailroom who do almost nothing and give you an attitude anytime you ask them to do their job.  I try so hard. 

Blahg

There is no such thing as a friend in the workplace.  You may hear the intimate details of your co-workers life on a daily basis but the bottom line is that given the chance same co-worker will stab you in the back.  It’s the nature of the beast.  I was suckered into thinking my co-workers were actually my friends.  I work with three other women (I know trouble already) and since day one we have all had lunch every day.   In the almost year I’ve been here I can count the times on one hand where we haven’t shared our lunch hour.  Not to mention all the other hanging out in-between we were like one happy family.

So when Monica was having a 50^th birthday bash, discussing it at length I thought for sure I would be part of the festivities.  At first she invited Daisy.  Now Daisy and she have been friends for 13 years.  (What Monica doesn’t know is how much Daisy badmouths her when she gets the chance.)  Now I fully understood at first when Monica said that she could only invite Daisy and no one else from “work” as she was keeping the party small.  No problem here.  But then I saw the party list and I noticed that she also invited Helen and her boyfriend.  Now Helen is our third lunch partner.  Again, Helen is the subject of much criticism by both Daisy and Monica but she’s always “included” in our lunches.

 I never would seen the party list had Monica not asked me to watch the phones while she chit chatted through the office.  (By the way she is the receptionist who comes in at least 10-20 minutes late every day and gets away with it).  There it was on a green post-it.  Plain as day was Helen and her boyfriend were listed as attendees

Before I left on Friday I went to Helen who confirmed same and couldn’t believe that Monica was that mean.  Helen even told Monica that if I was invited she would pick me up and take me there since she has a car and I don’t.  And how mean it was of Monica. 

Now it is Monday morning.  Daisy passed by me and said Good Morning then looked at me and asked if I was all right and I said nastily “sure why wouldn’t I be: an she said “okay in a nasty way”.  I’m just not good at the pretending thing.  I do wear my heart on my sleeve and it hurt big time. 

Is this supposed to be a good thing that I cried my eyes out to my husband and said I could call him anytime.  Damn it.

So I’ve eye drops in my eyes and tried to put on a happy face to others.  It’s hard.

Monica gave me a cheery hello, I said hello back and kept on walking.  I wish I was anywhere but here.

OMG Monica stopped me and gave me a “goody bag” form the party She said she “promised” me one.  Now when the shindig was going to be 50 people I understood that it could only be family and friends.  But when she narrowed it down to 19 and then invited Helen?!  God I’m so fucking confused.

An Hour Later:

So I just tried to make nice to Daisy and hate myself even more.  Then I went out to the reception area and Monica started pulling up the party pictures and started saying look at so and so.  So I made a hasty exit.  It hurt so much.  So big fucking deal you gave me a goody bag.  Do you think it’s any consolidation when you invited Helen and her boyfriend?  And do you know how much Daisy badmouths Monica on a regular basis.  Makes me glad that Daisy isn’t my BFF.

Blahg

My feelings are hurt.  Okay maybe I'm being a baby but I'm the only one not invited.  You invited Daisy, understandable considering she's your "best" friend (even if that's not what she says) but inviting Ella?  Ella?  Ella who you poke fun at.  Ella who while we all have lunch together everyday -- Ella?  You've known her for 10 years but we all work together.  Still feel like the only kid who didn't get the party invitation.  Or worse the day in fourth grade when Daniel was handing out the mini Sugar Daddys and I was next in line but he crossed over to the other desk and gave Shelia O'Hannon the last one.  Sheila who every boy had a crush on.  God that hurt.  And here I am almost 53 years old and feel the same hurt and anger as I did back then. Kids can be cruel.  Adults moreso, they've had more practice.

Blahg

I have sucky cramps from hell and am bleeding like a stuck pig.  (I think I said that yesterday).  Just took my magic pills.  It's so great when my boss is gone so I don't have to worry about doing my job.  Right now I have mindless work.  I wish I felt the way I feel right now all the time.  I will enjoy the next 15 minutes of codiene heaven.

Blahg

I’m miserable with a headache.  I wish I had just taken the rest of the week off.  Unfortunately it would have meant that I was stuck in my house and being around any members of my family right now (with the exception of my cats) does more harm than good.  I can’t stand my husband; my son has become a sullen brat.  I’m told it’s the age.

So put upon Martyr Daisy has the nerve to say to me take a break come to work.  She acts as if she’s the most put upon person in this place when in actuality she spends ½ her time on the phone with her boyfriend/family/friends or shopping on the internet.  And she whines that she’s the only one who is “watched”  I wish I could tell her what I really think of her but I have to work with her every day and it’s not like I can go to another department.  Meanwhile her best friend, who we all gave birthday presents to today (I said I have to rethink the coming to work on my birthday thing) is her friend today because she’s not bad mouthing her.  Give it a few days and she’ll have something negative to say.  Just like I’m sure I was the first course at lunch yesterday. 

Amber just texted me back.  Finally.  I don’t know why her friendship is so important to me as I’ve had to beg for it.  Bottom line is I really like her and think there’s something the potential for something there.  I need friends.  I have no one else.

Pizza party for Monica today.  I’m glad she liked her present.  Now if only I was invited to her party.  Why do I want to be invited.  Because I do.  I feel as if no one wants to play with me.

So fucking asshole prick boss tells me that I didn’t print out his fucking document the way he said he told me to.  So not to make waves I said I misunderstood.  If he’s going to take his bad mood out on me today I’m going to take mine out on him.  I just got my period added to the litany of shit above. 

I got my period an hour ago.  At work which added to all the fun I’m having.  Last night I had a fight with my idiot husband.  Then I had a fight with the idiot “support” person at Dell.  Is it me or are people becoming more stupid.  I’ve always hated stupidity but it seems lately that it’s being served up with seconds and thirds.

I want to go away for a few days.  I wish I could go back to the monastery I went to years ago for a yoga retreat.  There was a cottage on the lake and I had this amazing room all bright, quiet and sunny.  Right out the door was a living room with a working fireplace.  I also used to have the OA retreats.  At least it got me away even if it was “work”. 

These cramps bite.  Tylenol 3 to the rescue.  Thank goodness I’m good enough at what I do to fake it at work. 

Didn’t help all that much.  Pain is still enough and I’m bleeding like a stuck pig.  Okay how does a stuck pig bleed?   If anyone cares this has been written over the course of four or so hours. 

Daisy is yakking in Spanish (for a change) to boyfriend or family member yep she’s the busiest one in here all right!

Blahg

I'm sure I've said this before but I fully understand why people become addicted to opiates.  Since I've become the fat pig I am I've had constant back pain, and because I spent all those years with my head in a toilet tooth pain.  I've already had three extracted and I have one in the back with a gaping hole and need scads of dental work.  So my temporary solution is codiene.  Tyelenol 3 which I buy from El Salvador.  It's somewhat pricy (I'm now such a "good" customer I get 30 free ones with every order) but having gone without I like managing the pain.  Now mind you these "Tyelenol" do not pack the "punch" that the good old made in the USA ones do but they do the job.  When they first go to work there's a window of about 10 minutes where I feel wonderful and love everyone and creative and think of 100 constructive things to do.  But it's only 10 minutes worth and I've yet to do anything constructive in that time.  I guess I should also be thankful that they aren't that "strong" as I have an addictive personality.  The reason I know I'm not "hooked" is that I've gone months at a time without them, suffering (when I was out of work and couldn't afford them) and used to order them infrequently so I would have go weeks and weeks without.  The solution.  Go to fucking Weight Watchers which I've been paying for for five months and start to take off the weight and go work out a payment plan with a reputable dentist and have my mouth fixed.  All these things require work and I'm a lazy fuck.